When it comes to procrastination, many people immediately think of scatteredness and self-discipline. In fact, not all procrastination patients have no intention of gaining attention. On the contrary, many of them have high requirements for themselv...
When it comes to procrastination, many people immediately think of scatteredness and self-discipline. In fact, not all procrastination patients have no intention of gaining attention. On the contrary, many of them have high requirements for themselves and tend to think about problems in a perfect way. Once they fail to meet the standards they set, it is difficult to devote themselves to it, which makes them delayed. People with procrastination actually have perfectionismSome people may doubt that they cannot complete their work tasks, and they always drag on their actions. No matter how they look like perfectionism? In fact, perfectionism is always judged not based on work results or work processes, but based on their expectations for themselves. We personally have a deep understanding of this.
I officially took the case three years after I obtained my career qualification certificate. I have always been in awe of psychological counseling work, and I have been in awe of every visitor who mustered up the courage to walk into the counseling room. After all, it is really difficult and difficult for people to face their hearts. Because of this, I feel that my psychological knowledge is not enough. Even though I have been walking on the road of learning, I still want to make more preparations, and use professional skills and sincere attitudes to help every visitor who chooses me and trusts me to explore their unknown spiritual world.
When the counselors who were co-starring one by one, I stood outside this door. Although I have already prepared my career and have been preparing for a long time, I am still saying to myself, "Wait a minute, learn more, and prepare more to start."
There are many readers in there who have come to me and want to do psychological counseling. The response I gave was that I had no time and had no preparation yet, but I could introduce more experienced counselors to them. After giving such a response, most readers are not willing to do so. This is also reasonable. The inner sorrow and pain cannot be expressed in person. On the other side of the screen, I could feel the loss of some readers.
There is no change in the day when I really learned "good" happened after I participated in the training course of the intermediate counselor system. Shortly after the class, I met two classmates who had started together before. They also continued to work hard in the psychological field and never stopped their progress. Unlike me, they have done hundreds of hours of consultation on a case study and have truly embarked on the road from the industry.Eat together during lunch break, and when talking about some questions, I found that their understanding was much deeper than I did. I didn't avoid it, and I spoke in my heart. I clearly remembered that my classmates said to me: "There is no real "good" day, just teach well."
After I went back, I kept thinking about this sentence, and some of the things inside began to become clearer. It turns out that I have been delaying taking the case because I pursue perfection too much. I hope to help visitors solve their problems. I am also afraid that I will be inappropriate in handling it during the consultation process, so I always hope to prepare well and start doing this.
In fact, no matter how experienced and experienced psychological counselors are, they may not be able to help all visitors solve problems, nor can they not "mistakes" at any time, because everyone has limitations. Moreover, it may not be a good thing to be perfect. When the consultant becomes an incompetent "god", how will visitors feel? A high-quality advisory relationship should promote each other, and both truth and sincerity are important.
After unpacking this psychological endanger, I no longer escaped or delayed, but began to formally accept the visitor's appointment. This is not easy to do, but it is not as difficult as imagined. In the initial stage, I also encountered silence and obstruction from visitors, but I didn't panic. Afterwards, I will reflect on my way of handling the consultation, and when I notice where there are problems or shortcomings, I will think about how to improve; if I am really confused, I will also take the initiative to seek supervision. During this process, I realized more clearly that the presentation of theory in reality would not be fully understood if I had not done my own consultation.
Jother, professor of psychology in the United States. Joseph Ferrari said: "Some of the procrastination in life are not actually because we lack the ability or work hard, but because of a formal perfection or full-minded attitude that makes us unwilling to act, leading to the final delay." He always thinks about doing things without leaking, perfection, and constantly demanding, but the result is that it cannot start.
Solution➠Acknowledge that imperfection is common, accepting defective selfThe perfection theory is not all imperfect, and there are differences between "appropriate type" and "appropriate type".
A suitable perfectionist has high expectations for himself. Although he pursues perfection, he has never forgotten to respect reality. He believes that he has the ability to achieve this "perfection" and keeps working hard for it. In the end, they really embarked on the road to success.
A perfectionist who is suitable for bad type has high expectations for himself, but this expectation is unrealistic. To put it bluntly, even they themselves believe in whether they can realize their inner expectations. While expecting, they will also be upset about this expectation and strive to escape the fact that "expectations are difficult to achieve." Procrastination is precisely the way they escape. How can we adapt to the perfect idea of bad shapes and gradually return to normal tracks?
Every adventure brings difficulties and changes, as it is said that "the plan does not increase changes." Even if you consider it carefully and plan it very closely at this moment, you cannot accurately predict the final solution, and unexpected happens during the process. So, be prepared to face difficulties and do it.
No one can solve all problems before the action. Smart people often constantly correct solutions during the action, and they will find ways to solve them when they encounter trouble.
When you strive for perfection and use procrastination to delay anxiety; when you are stingy and disagreeing with certain flaws; when you feel fear and unconfidence about something; when you develop greed and jealousy, you can remind yourself: "It's okay, no one is perfect." When you admit that imperfection is a constant state and accept that flawed self, you will no longer feel tangled in your heart.
details are important, but global consciousness is even more important. When doing something, you must first correct and improve it on the basis of completion; you must first have a contour and a framework, and then discuss specific content. Never lead to final delays due to a certain form of perfectionist orientation.
All objects have cracks, and light is born from the marks. I wish you could reconcile with yourself and let go of your thoughts about perfection.
※This article is excerpted from the publication of the "Why can't you finish things? Are you still slitting your phone? : Psychological counselors teach you to improve procrastination and start with care for your feelings》
