The way of saying goodbye during life breaks our taboos for death and bring death directly to the face, so that everyone knows that now is the time for discussion of death, so that the parties have the opportunity to hear these complaints and let fr...
The way of saying goodbye during life breaks our taboos for death and bring death directly to the face, so that everyone knows that now is the time for discussion of death, so that the parties have the opportunity to hear these complaints and let friends express themselves.
The meeting ended, and when the client was watching the client get off the floor, he heard a tender voice coming from the other end of the staircase:
"Mom, can you not die?" said the client's son.
Let me know a little about the story of this family from the client.
A few months ago, the client's mother passed away due to illness. Her young son was probably because she was too young to discuss the difference between the two in the clinic. She also thought that her mother was here to see a doctor, and she was afraid that her mother would die.
"Tingting, my mother is not like her grandmother. She is sick and goes to heaven." The client explained patiently.
"Mom, you can't die suddenly!" The words of young people are sometimes even more sour.
"Will I tell you when I'm going to die?" They were far away and the sound was getting smaller and smaller ……
This sentence seemed like a lightly slander joke at first glance. If you think about it carefully, it's really exciting. Although life and death cannot be predicted, do you want to participate in your own gift as a living person?
I think I will be willing to do it.
▍To say the resignation of
in a way that likes, so that the parties can clearly participate in their own resignation. The more complicated and simple, luxurious and refined customs should be decided by the parties. After the client passed away, he left a gray belt of how to hold a gift, forming a fire line for family conflicts.
The life-long gift can accommodate more of your own ideas than standardized gifts, and can be carried out in the way you want from process, venue to clothing.
For example: Have you arranged your own farewell speech? What do you want your friends to say when they speak? Do you want to get old after the meeting? Do the venue be at home, or any place with special meaning? Is there any special regulations for the clothing base?
The difference during our lifetime allows us to maintain our last respect and space when facing inevitable death, and decide on our own how to tell the world again and what to keep in the hearts of our loved ones.
▼ Take the animated praise and thanks together
In the movie "If You Are the One", Li Xiangshan's verbal words from his friends and daughter are our first impression when we think of the verbal words during his lifetime. This is also the biggest difference between the verbal words during his lifetime and the traditional gift. In the past, the client would not have had the opportunity to hear from his friends and express his praise and gratitude.
On the contrary, it is common to hear that after the client passed away, I found that there were many regrets and reluctances that were not expressed, and the client could no longer hear them at this time.
All friends can do is to express these emotions to the counselor psychologist during the consultation meeting.
I often think that this is a pity. The psychological meaning of expressing the client is completely different from that of expressing to consulting psychologists. Many friends just think that they can’t find the time and don’t know how to open their mouths. If they turn their eyes on the client, they will be in the world.
The difference-making style during life breaks our taboos for death and bring death directly to the face, so that everyone knows that now is the time for discussion of death, so that the parties have the opportunity to hear these complaints and let friends express themselves.
The feedback given by friends and friends forms the final annotation of the client, helping the client to re-view his contribution and influence in his life when facing death, and be able to face the last moment of life with his combined self.
▍If you want to surpass death, you should be even more active
Since entering the field of psychology, you are very fascinated by existence. Someone will ask me: "Psychologist, you are so young, why do you pay attention to the question of death?"
I say that the question of death is actually the question of life. Only after we truly realize that life is limited can we grasp the present and live a life of our heart.
Existentialist Irvin Yalom said in the book Staring at the Sun: Overcome the Fear of Death: "If a person does not truly live, the more anxious he will be when facing death. If a person cannot live well, the more afraid he will be of death."
The spirit of the dissatisfaction during his lifetime is here. Whether it is the parties or us, we have exchanged some life experiences in the dissatisfaction, and we have turned back to the challenge that belongs to us. Turn the fear of death into the power of earnest life, turn the regret of death into the power of warmth, and move forward.
This article does not say to sick people, not to older people, but to all of us who will die - remember the limits of life and celebrate your life with the attitude of your sincere life.
【Note】Staring at Sun: Overcome the Fear of Death (Chinese translation: Contemplating the Sun: Faced with the Fear of Death), the original text in the book is ”...the more unlived your life, the greater your death anxiety. The more you fail to experience your life fully, the more you will fear death.”
